Fresh Retro Juice

It's All Geek To Me!

Top 5 Inappropriate Cartoons of the 80s & 90s

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I think it’s safe to say that parental guidance and political correctness was not really something anyone paid attention to in the 1980s or 1990s. I’m gonna put it out there that in fact… nobody actually gave a shit and I can’t decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing! The logic was generally thus: if you’re hurt or offended or both… SUCK. IT. UP! (Followed by a barrage of abuse like “stop being a pussy!”) I grew up watching a lot of martial arts and action films on VHS that were full of violence, nudity and the F-bomb being dropped throughout the dialogue. Some of these movies were amazing but seriously full on. I remember watching Blood Sport starring Jean Claude Van Damme and witnessing the character Chong Li casually snapping a dude’s neck.

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Despite the uncensored “stop crying… what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” attitude we all had to popular culture in the 80s and 90s, the media we consumed was apparently deemed not quite full on enough… because some smart ass figured, “Do you know what would be an awesome idea… to take ultra-violent, twisted franchises and create kid friendly cartoons!” Genius.

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Rambo: The Force of Freedom 1986

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He’s an ex-soldier with violent tendencies who fought in Vietnam… aaaand has a touch of PTSD after watching all his pals being horrifically tortured and killed. Throw in some giant guns and what could possibly go wrong here?! So the next logical step for a certificate 18 film was children television because ya know… kids love nightmares!

Police Academy 1988

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This film franchise was a classic example of “Please for the love of god stop making sequels!” especially once we got to around Police Academy 17! However, the first movie is definitely a laugh out loud iconic movie, full of inappropriate jokes, smutty behaviour and some fruity language. So sure, making a cartoon from this slapstick-nervous laughter-formula of outrageousness simply screams all kinds of child friendly yes. Clearly.

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Conan the Adventurer 1992

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I know what is totally suitable for kids… a cartoon based on a movie where we see decapitations and a crazy sex scene with Arnold Schwarzenegger and a witch! But lo and behold, Conan was made into a caricature of kiddie friendliness… and we all just got on board because nonsensical development of a mental film into cartoony fun… is a thing!

Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm 1996

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When this video game was released in 1993 on the SNES and SEGA Mega Drive, there was panic on the streets! And by panic on the streets, I mean our parents were all of a sudden concerned for our wellbeing and young impressionable minds. (Where was this outrage and distress when I was allowed to stay up watching intense brutal Kung-Fu movies…on a school night?!) Mortal Kombat is renowned for its ultra-violence of bones crunching, neck snapping, internal organs ripping carry on. The film itself also depicted scenes of impaling’s and general ridiculous fatalities. So naturally what would come next is the animation series… because associations to death and gore is a lesson all children need to know immediately! 

Beetlejuice 1989

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This cult classic film is still so bloody good! It’s mainly the dark humour and glorious special effects that pushes my buttons. However, Beetlejuice is not exactly the greatest role model for young kids. Yet they made this Tim Burton film with layers of wild supernatural fantasy and horror into an animated series. I mean, Beetlejuice is a crude, pervy, poltergeist… so fair play lads for actually getting away with this!

Top Maintenance And Storage Tips For Retro Gaming Consoles

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Do you remember receiving your first gaming console as a kid in the 80s or 90s with the jubilation, high pitched screaming and undiluted hysteria as if it was a big fat Christmas miracle??

Quick mum help I'm having an overexcited stroke!

Quick mum help I'm having an overexcited stroke!

Did you then think long and hard about where exactly you were going to safely store it to basically end up having a setup similar to this…

Why... because fuck you that's why!!

Why... because fuck you that's why!!

As a grown up and a lover of retro game consoles/refusing to move on from my childhood, I too showed little respect to my Sega Mega Drive that is currently squashed between a Nintendo Wii, Nintendo DS, SNES mini, Virgin Media TV box and some stray DVD's that I can't be arsed to put back in their case… And now when I want to play, my precious Mega Drive will decide if it will work or not and I am pretty sure my negligence has contributed to it being temperamental as feck! So, I’ve decided to take it down to the guys at The Rage in Dublin who will have a look and try to fix it, but I also need to have a long hard look in the mirror and think about how to store and maintain my retro game consoles if I want to continue playing them until I'm at least 85 years old.

Location Location Location

Any high-powered gaming system needs ventilation. So shoving it on an enclosed TV stand or cabinet screams all kinds of no. The heat from the consoles need to go somewhere so let it out damn it! You also want to eliminate as much dust as possible getting into the game consoles and dark corners are dust mite friends, so avoid. There are a few entertainment centres and TV stands ideal for gaming consoles but of course it depends on your budget and where in your home it is intended for. I mean sure, a stand which is practical with ventilation is great, but you also would want it to look good too. Here are a few of my top picks.

Budget - Basic Chrome 3 Shelf Unit £29.99

Mid Range - 4 Cube Shelving Unit £37.50

Ok lemme throw some more cash at this - Wood TV Stand 2 Shelf Storage Unit £45.99

Pricey enough - Glass 4 Shelf Unit £84.06

Console Maintenance

The easiest and laziest form of cleaning a gaming console is to simply blow the dust away from the system. Yeah… stop doing that! All you’re doing is moving the pesky dirt sprites from one surface to another. So, yes you may think that you’re clearing away the dust from your SNES, but you’ve probably just blown all the shit from the vents onto another electrical device! Use a vacuum cleaner. Presto! Pull the dirt out and away every 6 months. This may seem tedious and annoying, but in the long run it will certainly help.

You can also find a local retro gaming specialist near you who should be able to run a diagnostic check on your system to see that it is operating as it should. Retro gaming consoles today are considered a rare vintage item and so we should treat them with care like an archaeological find fit for the Antiques Roadshow. Because remember, when they're really broken, you can't just pick out a new one in the Argos catalogue and hope Santa will hook you up!

Here’s a few takeaway tips you should always adhere to if you essentially don’t want to fuck up a good thing!

* Do not stack game consoles on top of each other. The heat emitted is zero fun and can cause the gaming systems to have a meltdown.

* Use storage shelves and entertainment units for your game consoles that have open backs. This helps the air circulate so the system doesn’t overheat.

* Dust and electronics do not mix. Keep your retro gaming console clean with a vacuum cleaner.

* Retro gaming consoles are notorious for those long ass controller leads that drape across the floor. When you’re not playing, pack these away carefully. As watching someone catch their foot on the lead and drag your entire console down to the ground in slow motion… is truly heart breaking!  

 

 

13 Of The Best Classic Board Games

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There’s nothing like a little ‘friendly’ competitiveness when it comes to board games! I have many 'fond' memories of caravan holidays, pretending to be the Waltons family… huddled around a poxy folding table and knocking out a game of Connect 4! I mean, what else are you to do when it’s the Great British summer and it’s pissing rain?! Board games were a staple in my childhood throughout the 80s and 90s. And even now there's a resurgence! People have jumped on the nostalgia of playing classic board games with iconic TV shows or films we all loved from yesteryear.

Oooohhh sparkly retro-tastic memories!  Check them out here! 

Oooohhh sparkly retro-tastic memories! Check them out here! 

Now throw a little alcohol in the mix and you’ve got yourself a perfect night in! With a little throwback to those ‘fun’ times when tables were overturned in game rage, dead legs and Chinese burns were inflicted by older siblings just because you were winning… I've compiled a list of the top 13 classic board games that are timeless. Unlike me, myself and copious amounts of grey hairs!

Scrabble

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The word game that will usually make you look like a fecking illiterate idiot if you’re not careful! You lost me at double and triple scores because I generally couldn’t care for your nonsensical words. I acknowledge your supreme status as a classic board game, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like you!

Yahtzee

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I once attempted to play this game with a friend in a Norwegian café. Cool story bro! We didn’t know the rules so kind of guessed them. And then half way through the game we found another dice in the box that I’m fairly sure we needed at the beginning! I spent most of the time randomly shouting “YAHTZEE!” because it made me feel like I was somewhat invested in our made-up game!

Connect 4

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This game is either really quick and fun or long and really boring. There is no in between! If you’re playing someone who is quite good at it, then the game will go on forever until you run out of counters, you’re hungry and have forgotten why you decided that it was a good idea to play in the first place! However, if you’re playing your 4-year-old nephew who just likes the colour red with zero concept of the game, then it’s always amusing beating a small child at a game!

Trivial Pursuit

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This game is just a quiz and the board and pieces are just a wild ruse to make you feel like it’s entertaining. It’s not. This game always seemed like homework which was never any fun. “What bird is named after the Ugandan word for photosynthesis??” Ugh! Stop trying to make my brain learn new things!

Draughts/Checkers

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Whichever variation you played of the games they both can be described as ‘definitely not chess.’ This traditional board game felt like chess for dummies, so naturally I quite enjoyed it! It made me feel sophisticated when the rules of chess flew right over my head.

Chess

This board game has to be mentioned despite the fact I never played it growing up because my brain melted when a friend tried to explain the rules to me. Of course, there has to be a reason this classic strategy board game has been kicking around for thousands of years, and still attracts lots of fans. I suppose.

Guess Who

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Now you’re talking! This game provided hours of entertainment. Does she have ginger hair? Does he wear glasses? Does he look like that creepy politician who probably belongs on the sex offender register?? The variations to deduce your opponent’s person were simply endless!

Operation

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This was another game that appealed to me. Picking out fiddly body parts from a naked dude with a bulbous red nose was super fun! The only problem was that the small fiddly parts meant that they always went missing so the game was never complete, and you had to substitute the funny bone with a bit of blu-tack!

Cluedo

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When you grew up with the Spy File and Sunday afternoons watching Murder, She Wrote and Columbo, Cluedo was always a must-have board game. The rules were very simple: find out who dunnit… the murder weapon used and in which room. I always felt like a smug Poirot bastard announcing, “It was Miss Scarlet, with the lead pipe in the study!”

I loved it. You loved it. We all loved it! 

I loved it. You loved it. We all loved it! 

Ghost Castle

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This board game classic was always on my Christmas wish list to Santa, but I never got it! I did however spend a lot of time playing it at my friend’s house and soon realised that I was more excited about the cool model setup of a haunted castle rather than playing the actual game!

Mouse Trap

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If you have an interactive game with moveable parts, then every kid is going to love it regardless of the rules! Mouse Trap was a cult classic in the board game world. It was bright and fun and looked like something Kevin in Home Alone would setup to piss off some burglars!

Screwball Scramble

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The ultimate obstacle course that required skill rather than strategy. I loved this game! Granted, once you had figured out how to get the chrome ball through the course, the gameplay went dramatically downhill… BUT it was an awesome immersive game that deserves a nod in the memorable board game genre!

Monopoly

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The 83-year-old board game that continues to have a bad reputation for tearing families apart! It is also known as a game that never actually ends. Nobody needs to be aggressively negotiating a hotel on the Old Kent Road for 4 hours of their life! Again, this iconic game was one I played with friends where we blatantly made up the rules because none of us had any idea about buying and trading property. And any 8-year-old who claims to know about resource management is a liar!

5 Retro Bikes From Your Childhood

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Going for bike rides as a kid was one of my fondest memories. Grabbing my red BMX from the shed with my older brother and leaving for the morning to go on epic cycling adventures around our estate, made the summer holidays for me. Zigzagging through alleyways, mounting cracked pavements and dodging broken glass/dog shit simply upped the level of dangerous fun! (I mean, if you didn’t ride through, step in or fall into dog crap as a kid, did you really have a childhood?!) I remember watching BMX Bandits with Nicole Kidman's giant hair and trying to emulate being a crime fighting BMX pro racer… and failing miserably! Thinking back to the retro bicycles that made my childhood, here are my top 5 picks!

Raleigh Chopper

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Now this bike was a little before my time manufactured in the 70s, however I cannot disregard the seminal status of it. I remember a friend of my older brother had one of these and to me being a small child who clearly knew nothing, thought that it looked so hideously uncool.

Me as an adult realising I have blasphemed against the Chopper gods... and being beaten accordingly!

Me as an adult realising I have blasphemed against the Chopper gods... and being beaten accordingly!

All I know is that going on bike rides with my brother and his mate always slowed us down because the big clunky thing was rubbish at getting up and down curbs!

Raleigh Burner

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This supreme bike was first launched in 1982. It was iconic in the BMX craze of the 80s where everyone had some sort of variation of this model, and if you didn’t… then you only wished you did! It didn’t matter if you couldn’t ‘do tricks’ because fashioning a plank of wood over a few stacked bricks... and then trying to ride over this without it breaking was BASICALLY the same as doing bunny hop 360!

Raleigh Street Wolf

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This little BMX was on another level of futuristic amazingness and I would 100% still ride this bike now! Released in 1987 this was a coveted possession of many children and created a shit load of jealousy amongst those (like me) who never had the pleasure of owning one. The main pull of this bike was the electronic sound box device attached to the handlebars, which obviously was used when trying to roleplay your favourite shady-government-undercover cop show.

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Racing Bikes

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This was a bicycle that was specifically designed for competitive road racing and was huge in the 80s and early 90s. However, there was approximately zero people I knew growing up who owned a racer to compete in anything! The thin wheels used to always boggle my brain and for some reason flipping and reversing the handlebars was deemed ‘cool’.

But why though?!

But why though?!

For me and my pals it was just another bicycle trend that we salivated over in the Argos catalogue hoping our parents would have a word with Santa!

Mountain Bike

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This bike was designed for off-road action and traversing difficult terrain. Yet I rode mine to the corner shop and back and for a 'Cycling Awareness' at school! In the 1990s owning a mountain bike was just standard protocol. Racers were out, and mountain bikes were in! They usually came with a ‘jazzy’ frame design (splashed with an impressive name like Apollo) and you pimped it out with clashing neon toe clips, a water bottle holder and handlebar extensions that were all entirely unnecessary!

Thanks for reading!

Thanks for reading!

The N Word Project : Nostalgia Marketing

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The wave of nostalgia in the form of tech is at its highest. Big brands and bloggers like myself are tapping into the sentimentality of childhood memories. The difference with me versus some of the big businesses is that a) I only share things I believe are genuinely cool and think my audience will like and b) I'm Forest Gumping my way through with no real plan! Here is a visual representation:

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Remember those wistful hours spent playing your favourite video game? Well advertising companies are essentially punching us millennials in the feels, so we empty our wallets... and it's working! With releases of classic game consoles like the SNES Mini and other retro gaming emulators that offer you a gazillion video games, the strong stench of a yesteryear is here, and the world of advertising is cashing in. Yes fine friends, nostalgia marketing is a thing!

Companies for a long time now have recognised the value of nostalgia in the media and getting us hooked!

Well... obviously! A fine example of nostalgia being awesome and super popular!

Well... obviously! A fine example of nostalgia being awesome and super popular!

With technology especially gaming, the brains behind a marketing campaign figures that if they can evoke the playful feelings of you button bashing Track & Field on the Game Boy, then they will use this to make you throw money at whatever they are selling. Is it a trap? Yes. Is it clever? Yes. Are you still going to buy an Atari handheld gaming console? Shut up and take my money!

The trickery brands use to gain the interest of the consumer is simply to form an emotional connection to whatever they are selling. If the brand can resonate with positive memories, then the battle to sell us stuff we never thought we needed is already half won. Basically, the better we feel when using a product coupled with shouts of “Oh my god I remember that!” the more likely we are to add it to our basket when shopping online. #drunkonlinepurchases. The thing is… even though I know it’s all marketing wizardry set out to piss off my bank balance… I’m still probably definitely gonna buy into it because I lack self control!

Conjuring emotions for an inanimate object is a very powerful marketing tool. We know that buying a retro games console will give us an immediate fuzzy glow of satisfaction as soon as we slam Super Mario Kart into a SNES! It's these warm comforting emotions that encourages us to spend all the money on things we never need but simply want… because reasons! 

Studies on nostalgia tells us that it has the power to combat loneliness, anxiety and even boredom. As well as making us feel lightheaded and physically warm, nostalgia can make us more understanding, tolerant and generous to strangers. Old happy memories have also been noted to aid us in difficult transitional moments of our lives and help us feel more resilient in stressful situations. In short... nostalgia is a kick ass, potent, psychological phenomenon which makes selling us retro inspired shit so damn easy! The concept is so very easy, but super powerful!

I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEEERRRRR!

I HAVE THE POWEEEEEEEERRRRR!

Nostalgic strategies employed by advertisers help mask over the complexities of our current life with a giant, rose tinted, blast from the past plaster. In a world where instant gratification is deemed the holy grail of adult life, the N Word plays magnificently into that concept.

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So, continuing with the second round of The N Word Project is Naoise O’Hare from Retro Gamer Ireland who basically is a retro gaming extraordinaire from Dublin. I stumbled across his blog and got insanely jealous at his Instagram account that showcases all his retro video game consoles and games. Go check him out post haste and follow him all the way to the Shangri-La of retro gaming wonderment!

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Have you always been into retro gaming or did you pick this up later on in life?

I started out playing the Nes, then Snes and so on. Over the years I went along with the times and played modern gaming and left the oldschool stuff in the past. It wasn't until about 5 years ago that my girlfriend surprised me with the gift of a Super Nintendo that my love of retro games was sparked.

What made you want to start your website Retro Gamer Ireland?

I was having a lot of fun  using Instagram as a micro blog but wanted to share more in depth thoughts on retro gaming. I tried YouTube but it wasn't for me so I tried writing blogs and loved it so started the website.

What do you think it is about old skool games and consoles that makes it still so popular?

One word... Nostalgia.

What was your first gaming console?

The Nes and a copy of the Duck Hunt/Super Mario Bros cart. It's still one of my favourite consoles today.

What was your favourite video game?

The Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. I have so many fond memories playing it as a kid, and still love it to this day. It's a game that I will keep going back to for the rest of my days. 
 

What retro game throws you right back into being a kid again? (Mine is Streets of Rage on the Mega Drive!)

So many games take me back to the good old days, anything that I played as a kid will get the nostalgia flowing. One game that takes me all the way back is Super Mario Bros, one or my earliest memories is playing this game with my older brother Aodhan.

For me nostalgia and childhood memories make me feel like I’m hugging a hot water bottle or placing a warm towel over my eyes. What kind of emotions or imagery evokes nostalgia for you?

Any video game that I can remember playing as a kid will always fill me with nostalgia. Then certain tv shows and movies like the first 2 seasons of Pokémon and Power Rangers The Movie.

Do you think retro gaming will ever become uncool and die out as new technology booms (and the machines take over – Terminator style?!)

Haha, machines are already taking over! It wouldn't bother me if retro gaming became uncool because I'd be able to get retro games for cheap again if they did :D

If you had a time machine/Delorean, which age would you go back to and live for a week and why?

Probably the Christmas of 1997 which would make me 10. This is when my brother and I got the Nintendo 64 and it was one of my favourite Christmas holidays of all.

Do you think that it is unhealthy to still live in the past, using retro inspired toys, music and pop culture as a form of escapism?

Not at all. I'm definitely a creature of habit and I love playing the same old games over and over. I don't live completely in the past though as it's a hobby that I do in my spare time. For the most part I live very much in the present time and I'm not constantly trying to relive the past.

Does nostalgia and reminiscing about the good old days prevent us from moving forward and grabbing new adventures and opportunities?

I can't speak for others but it has never prevented me from moving forward and taking part in new adventures. Blogging about retro games has opened up so many new doors for me that I would never have been able to get to had I not been reminiscing of times long past. 
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5 Of The Best Gaming Chairs Every Retro Gamer Needs

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I bought Road Rash II for the Sega Mega Drive the other day, and as I got overly excited and placed my buttocks on the dining room chair (because the controller lead wouldn't stretch to the sofa and I haven’t sat crossed legged on the floor since a school assembly circa 1994) I realised that my poor attempt of a gaming chair sucked. A lot. After approximately 20 minutes of using a stolen chain as a weapon on a police officer (in the game. Obviously!) my ass went numb. I recognised then that I owed my retro gaming antics more. I owed my consoles and games the respect they deserve with my undivided attention… and that means to be sat on a chair that doesn’t ruin my butt cheeks in mere moments!

I was thinking of a gimmicky chair that said "Hey everyone! I'm fun, retro AND hilarious!"

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But the harsh right angles on this would certainly not make hours of shouting at Sonic the Hedgehog to go fuck himself whenever I died, any fun on my aging body.

So alas I poked around on the interweb and found the best gaming chairs that my money could buy! And also, a super outrageous shout of a gaming chair that would require me to sell a kidney on eBay to even afford a deposit. Here’s what I found… the jury is still out!

DX Racer 1 £201.22 

This German best seller was one name that kept popping up when I was researching, with many folks saying how super duper fly it is. Or words to that effect! From the outlook the design appears to be very similar to many brands who have the sports racing car feel, and some may argue it's just an expensive replica. But there’s a lot more going on than a glorified office chair which seems to warrant its price tag.

-    Fully adjustable backrest
-    2-dimensional armrest
-    Gas lift can hold the weight of approx. 100kg
-    Lumbar cushion
-    Adjustable headrest
-    Tilt mechanism angling to 170 degrees
-    Assembly approx. 5 minutes

Big Joe Dorm Chair £159.72

If you’re looking for a seat that you can set up camp in and refuse to move… then this ridiculously comfy beanbag chair is your winner! Yes, I know it’s essentially a beanbag but it won’t sink to the floor if you try to stretch out and reach for your snacks! And it has pockets damn it!

-    SmartMax Fabric (Stain resistant, water resistant)
-    Built in handles so you can transport it wherever you like. 
-    Built in pockets so your alcohol/smartphone are always nearby.
-    Double stitched fabric with safety lock zippers.
-    Filled with UlitmaX Beans which adjust to your body. Also refillable.

X Rocker Pro 4.1 £229.99

If you’re looking for that slick techno friendly vibe in your games room, then I’m fairly certain that this padded faux leather gaming chair would work a treat! I almost expect Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget to be sat in a chair like this waving his metal fist in the air!

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The main pull for this brand is the mounted audio system within the chair and the fact that it can be connected wirelessly to various devices. The X Rocker comes in different models like the Infiniti 4.1 PlayStation which is great for all the hardcore PlayStation gamers, but for retro gamers like myself, who will be button bashing on a Mega Drive or Mini SNES, you can skip that fancy pants version!

-    Audio system with subwoofer mounted in the backrest and headrest.
-    Wireless capabilities connecting to any audio device or game console. (Optical, USB or 3.5mm connections)
-    Bluetooth connectivity for smartphones and tablets.
-    Tri-Motor vibration that allows for a fully immersive gameplay.

Drian Workstation Game Chair £6039

This is the king of drunk online purchases that screams Flight of the Navigator, so naturally I want it! If you plan on never leaving the fictitious bubble of gaming and assimilating into the real world, then this bad boy would do it! There is a lead time of 4 weeks after buying this with fun tokens you either stole from a pensioner or by selling your soul to Satan, which makes sense as it’s a beast! You may not be able to afford to feed your family after purchasing this, but who needs family?! Because with an eye watering, extravagant highly unnecessary gaming chair… you will already be winning at life!

-    Posture adjustment switches.
-    Angle adjustment switches up to 140 degrees.
-    3 level seat warmer and cooler.
-    Lumbar support.
-    Adjustable headrest.
-    LED lighting.
-    Premium leather seat.
-    Integrated keyboard tray.
-    Mountable monitor brackets with up to 3 monitors.
-    Frickin’ laser beams! (I made that up)

IntimaTe WM Heart £64.99

Sometimes we need to just strip it back to the basics and keep things simple and real. This budget gaming chair is the cheapest of a great bunch but just because the price tag doesn’t aggressively shout “bankruptcy” in your face, it still offers the main positives you would need. I mean sure, does it look like a generic padded office chair… yes! But the ergonomic design makes sitting for hours and screaming at your TV a complete dream for your neck… your back! (insert rude hip hop song here!)

-    Ergonomically designed with high density foam like a racing car seat.
-    Load capacity up to 120kg.
-    Tilt function.
-    360 swivel castors.
-    Upright lock function.

 

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The Best Retro T-Shirts for Millennials

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So, I have a problem. A problem that I am in no way, shape or form willing to rectify. I’m that idiot/nerd/self-proclaimed retro ninja who wears 'ironic' old skool t-shirts with my favourite nostalgic memories stretched across the front. It started off with one harmless Goonies t-shirt from the amazing website TruffleShuffle.com when I was 22, and then the obsession spiralled well into my 30s. 

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While my friends were getting married and making babies… I was (and still am!) dealing with adulting by refusing to move on from my formative childhood years! Some may say it’s a sickness… but maybe they’re just jealous… right?!  

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Whether it’s 90s pop culture references, retro gaming, 80s movies or a homage to Button Moon, I need it in my wardrobe. If you happen to be a millennial coined by the media as those born between 1981 and 1996, then you too might fancy wearing awesome retro tees that makes people point and laugh/high five you in public. If so, then you absolutely need to check out these top 10 nostalgic t-shirts post haste!

Back to the Future – Flux Capacitor 

The Back to the Future trilogy is arguably one of the most iconic and most recognisable point of references when talking about classic 80s films. The first and second instalment also happens to be one of my absolute fave movies. The third film I tend to watch more as background noise because Michael J Fox’s Irish accent is offensive! 

Bill and Ted – Wyld Stallyns  

Another classic movie starring the ageless vampiric Keanu Reeves. Their bodacious band the Wyld Stallyns will be making a comeback and so this retro t-shirt will be ahead of its time when Bill and Ted 3 hits our screens! (Please don’t feck it up… please don’t feck it up!) 

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If series linking every episode of Murder, She Wrote is wrong… then honey I don’t wanna be right! This sleuthing-writer-genius-extraordinaire and all round busybody got me through many “I don’t want to write my dissertation” days at university. You know when Jessica Fletcher is in town, some murdering shit is about to go down! 

You Can Call Me Al  

The Paul Simon song that makes everyone lose their shit in an inebriated jubilation at a wedding! It’s also very entertaining when you actually have a friend called Al and you drag him into a dance circle pointing and laughing at him as if he has never ever experienced this before! Hilarity ensues for you and your friends… but not for your mate Al. Poor Al. 

Brucey Bonus – Bruce Forsyth 

The late great legend himself who seemed to have stayed the exact same age from my childhood of Bedknobs and Broomsticks right up until his last toe tapping moments on Strictly Come Dancing. Powder pink is also apparently the colour of millennials, so this t-shirt is the perfect combo! 

Teletext 

Remember checking football scores, the top 10 music charts, booking last minute cheap holidays and of course Bamboozle! Now trying to explain Teletext to anyone born past the year of 1995 is like trying to explain quantum physics to an infant. “But why did you not just use the internet…” **ROLLS EYES SO HARD I SPRAIN MY CORNEA**

Art Attack 

Getting home from school and watching Neil Buchanan create an absolute masterpiece from a few toilet rolls, kitchen foil and a scuba diving kit casually lying around! Art Attack made me beg my parents for PVA glue and poster paints that subsequently destroyed the kitchen table all in the name of art! 

Fun House 

Another after school classic that filled me with intense jealousy at the kids who got to drive those go-karts! It was like a giant soft play arena with a little Gladiator-esque assault course thrown in for good measure! With Pat Sharp’s mullet, the delightful twins and semi competitive/aggressive gameplay… there was nothing but love for Fun House!

Street Fighter II  

Street Fighter is the ultimate button basher retro video game! Remember that one time when you didn’t have a clue how you just pulled off a Ryu special move triple combo (just made that up!) but acted like you totally knew what you were doing? Yep. This game also evokes the demonic spirit of game rage when you’re getting your ass handed to you by Chun-Li’s shitty little kicks! So sure, why not get the t-shirt and remember the good times!

Trap Door 

Don’t you open that… TRAP DOOR! Not going to lie, the intro to this classic 1980s animation actually still scares me a little! The theme song is instantly recognisable as is the lead character Berk (“Allo!”) which should make your childhood come flooding back to you! And if it doesn’t… did you even have a childhood?! 

10 Retro Air Jordan Trainers From 1985 - 1995 You Can Buy Right Now

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Before you had your Kobe Bryant or LeBron James you had Michael Jordan. If you have to think of an iconic basketball player of not just the 20th century but of all time, you have Michael Jordan.

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He was not just a game changer within the sport, but he was a brand. I remember buying a red Chicago Bulls basketball to just carry around the playground at school, bounce occasionally... and then stop because I didn't want to scuff it! Every kid back in the late 80s and 90s wanted a pair of Air Jordan kicks regardless if you had ever seen a basketball game! Nike Air Jordan trainers were a fashion statement and owning a pair today is still considered cool as hell!

You can still buy a pair if you are willing to throw a fair few folded notes at the expense! Here are some top picks of classic Nike Air Jordan trainers from 85 – 95 that you can add to your shoe collection right now!

Nike Air Jordan I 1984/85

Designed by Peter C Moore these trainers were banned by the NBA because they didn't have enough white on them! (A rule later which was later repealed)

Nike Air Jordan II 1987

Designed again by Moore and Bruce Kilgore and running on from the success of Air Jordan I, these trainers were made in Italy. It was the first Air Jordan's without the Nike swoosh, and also included a Nike air bubble for more comfort.

Nike Air Jordan III 1988

Designed by Tinker Hatfield and the shoe that made Michael Jordan change his mind from leaving Nike. It featured the visible air bubble in the heel and the new Jumpman logo. Jordan wore these at many events including the 1988 NBA Slam Dunk Contest.

Nike Air Jordan IV 1989

The first Air Jordan shoes released globally and designed by Tinker Hatfield. The ads featured Spike Lee and also got screen time in the director's film Do The Right Thing. The Spiz'ike IV were created to show love for the friendship between Michael Jordan and Spike Lee.

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A new look by designer Hatfield but with some unmistaken elements from Air Jordan IV. Apparently inspiration for the design came from World War II fighter planes. Other features included reflective tongue and translucent rubber soles.

Nike Air Jordan VI 1991

This new design by Tinker Hatfield featured reinforcement around the toe and a much needed heel tab on the back of the trainer which Jordan insisted on to protect his Achilles tendon. The Air Jordan VI were featured in the film White Men Can't Jump and The Chicago Bulls won the 1991 NBA final against LA Lakers with Jordan wearing these!

Nike Air Jordan VII 1992

With the huarache technology that helped shoes adjust to the individual's foot, this design by Hatfield got rid of the air sole, translucent soles and Nike Air logo. The ad campaign featured Bugs Bunny (and later inspired the 'classic' Space Jam movie!)

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This particular design was known as the Punisher. There was a lot more detail with the Jumpman, crossover straps, ankle support, enhanced traction and a full length air sole. It was brought out for the 1992 - 1993 NBA season.

Nike Air Jordan IX 1994

This new Air Jordan trainer was the first design released after Michael Jordan retired. These kicks were sparked from baseball cleats that Jordan wore when he played minor league baseball. These shoes are also the ones that were chosen for the statue of Michael Jordan outside the United Center in Chicago.

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Released in eight different colours and included a lightweight Phylon midsole with Jordan's accomplishments on the outsole. The original had black lacing and tongue with red inner lining and inserts.

SNES Classic Mini versus Raspberry Pi with RetroPie

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Over the last couple of years there has been a revival when it comes to retro gaming, 80s and 90s video games and especially retro game consoles with built in games. Last year I was gifted the SNES Classic Mini and even though I was never really into Super Nintendo as a kid (I loved my Mega Drive too much!) I was delighted at playing some classic old skool video games like Street Fighter 2 and of course Mario Kart! Even though I own the SNES mini and I have an original Sega Mega Drive, I wanted to know if there was a gaming system that encompasses all the retro games my hearts so desires from not just one, but various video game consoles.

I did entertain the idea of bagging one of these Pandora’s Box which not only looked epic with the feel and touch of playing retro arcade games, but it was reasonably priced and it could sit pretty anywhere on a surface without taking up too much space in my compact flat.  

Then my imagination spiralled a little and decided that I had all the fun tokens (I don't!) and I should just go big or go home with a table top video arcade machine I had played one similar at the 8-Bit Gaming Conference in Dublin last year, and I may have got over excited screaming at the inanimate object!

But then I decided to calm myself down and think about something different that could satisfy my unhealthy obsession with wanting to play retro games all the live long day! That is when I came across the DIY starter kit for Raspberry Pi with RetroPie. It’s essentially a tiny computer where you build and install yourself that can run a shit tonne of games from so many consoles that you can find in a museum! The price was also cheaper than buying just one retro gaming console, so it seemed like a no brainer! However, before I embark on this little project of actually building my own retro gaming system, I decided to see if it was worth it by comparing it to my SNES plug and play gaming console. With a little research and asking all the questions, here's what I found!

Why the SNES Classic Mini is awesome!

If you’re all about the simple life, the SNES is the way to go. You can literally play this out of the box with no need for stress. It also has that authentic feel you will only get from a genuine Nintendo product and your nostalgia levels will go through the roof!

Why the SNES Classic Mini is a bit of a nightmare!

Yes, you can plug and play straight from the box, but you are rather restricted to what you actually have to play. Unless you know how to modify your console which can be tricky or daunting for a novice, then you are stuck with the 21 pre-installed games. There’s also no game slot like the original SNES or like the Sega Mega Drive all in one console that allows you to use original game cartridges.

Price: £69.00
Number of games: 21
Connections: HDMI, Micro-USB (Power Supply)
Includes: 2 controllers, HDMI cable
Processor: Quadcore ARM Cortex A7
GPU: Mali - 400 MP
Memory: 256 MB DDR3
Storage: 512 MB

Why Raspberry Pi with RetroPie is awesome!

The obvious reason why Raspberry Pi is great for retro gaming nerds is the fact that you can play an infinite amount of classic games from Nintendo64, PlayStation, SEGA, Gameboy, Atari to name a few. By downloading RetroPie you can add all your fave retro games and thousands more. It’s a lot more powerful than your pre-built gaming consoles and can be tweaked and customised to your exact liking. You also can configure and use your controllers from say your Xbox or PlayStation, so purchasing the ‘retro styled’ gamepads are not necessary. The Raspberry Pi also has Bluetooth and Wi-Fi connectivity which makes all round usability with different tech (keyboard, controllers etc) a lot easier. It may seem like a daunting DIY project to build your gaming emulator, but it’s quite straight forward with many guides online to help troubleshoot and run you through the basics.

Why Raspberry Pi with RetroPie is a bit of a nightmare!

You will have to spend at least an hour out of your day with the initial setup. It is a project fine friends and not a pre-built gaming console like the SNES Classic Mini, so there’s no getting around that. Sorry not sorry! Also, you will have to pirate certain ROMs for SNES games which is simple enough, but as you don’t own them from Nintendo, you will be illegally downloading.

Price for the starter kit: £64.99
Number of games: Infinite
Processor: Quadcore ARM Cortex A7
GPU: Broadcom VideoCore IV
Memory: 1 GB DDR3
Storage: Micro-SD
Connections: HDMI, 4x USB, Ethernet

In conclusion…

The SNES Classic Mini is faster (with very little lag in gameplay) and simpler. It looks all shiny, authentic and retro from the get go. It’s also 100% legal with Nintendo’s blessing! On the other hand, RetroPie is more powerful, flexible and heaps more customisable.

If you want to get a quick fix of a nostalgic high, then the SNES Classic Mini is your best option. However, if you take off your rose-tinted-retro-specs and see past the need to have a replica of an old gaming system, then with a little patience and configuration the Raspberry Pi with RetroPie allows you to re-discover all the classic games from your childhood from so many fab old skool consoles at your fingertips.

I think I’m going to give RetroPie a go and see if I have the will power to build a piece of tech without losing my shit/starting a fight with a screwdriver! I'll let you know how I get on!

 

Name That Classic Movie Quiz

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Just a little Friday quiz to help you push through to home time! Classic films from the 80s and 90s that make you feel all warm, cozy and old as feck! 

 

10 Best 90s Action Films

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I grew up watching action and martial arts movies because I had an older brother who would usually give me a dead leg/Chinese burn/fart on my head if I didn’t agree with his film choices! The thing is however, it wasn’t really the fear of being suplexed into my mother’s coffee table by my brother that made me watch copious VHS action films on loop, I actually enjoyed them! Yes, the plot was always highly ridiculous with as many loopholes and head scratching as The Matrix Reloaded (remember Neo’s chat with The Architect that made you scream “what the actual fuck is happening!” at the screen?!) and of course, the good guy usually and predictably triumphed over evil. YET we still lapped up the explosions, cringe with a large slice of cheese dialogue and unnecessary boob shots from the damsel in distress.

With this in mind, I decided to compile my top 10 action films from the decade I loved the most, the 1990s. Now as this is the internet, and everyone has opinions and the ability to smash out a few CAPS LOCK expletives when it comes to expressing these opinions, no doubt some of you may disagree… and that’s ok! I value your opinion… but just not as much as mine! :)

ONE
Demolition Man – 1993 – Starring Sylvester Stallone, Wesley Snipes & Sandra Bullock

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Plot: Stallone is tough, risk-taking cop John Spartan who along with homicidal but hilarious criminal Simon Phoenix (Snipes with a wicked bleached hairdo!) is cryogenically frozen in the year 1996 for a crime he didn't commit.

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They are both finally thawed out in 2032 where Spartan has to catch Phoenix in a world that has dramatically changed.
Best Part: The pianist at Taco Bell singing the Green Giant advert and Stallone and Sandra Bullock having virtual reality sex with zero contact! (Fun fact - The first time I saw this scene my parents were watching it too and it was incredibly uncomfortable for all involved!)
Best Quote: “Send a maniac to catch one”

TWO
Face/Off – 1997 – Starring Nicolas Cage & John Travolta

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Plot: An FBI agent Sean Archer (Travolta) and terrorist Castor Troy (Cage) are sworn enemies who through the power of ridiculous make-believe science stuff, swap physical appearance… by switching faces. *insert facepalm here*
Best Part: The shootout scene in the church… because violence and religion basically go hand in hand!
Best Quote: “Isn’t this religious, ah yes. The eternal battle between good and evil, saint and sinners… but you’re still not having any FUN!”

THREE
True Lies – 1994 – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jamie Lee Curtis

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Plot: A remake of the French film La Totale, Arnie plays a US undercover agent Harry Tasker who tries (and fails amazingly) to balance his intense high-risk life as a spy with his dull suburban life. Of course, his wife (Lee Curtis) finds out he’s not a computer salesman and they somehow find themselves embroiled in saving the world/just America from a terror attack.
Best Part: When Jamie Lee Curtis does this sexy/cringe striptease in high cut underwear!
Best Quote: “I married Rambo!”

FOUR
Terminator 2 Judgement Day – 1991 – Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Edward Furlong & Linda Hamilton

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Plot: The sequel to the game changing first instalment of The Terminator saga. Sarah Connor (Hamilton) and her 10-year-old bit of a dickhead son John (Furlong) join forces with the original Terminator (Schwarzenegger) who is now less pissed off at them because he’s a reprogrammed goody sent from the future... to run the hell away from a new fancy pants Terminator that is a shapeshifting, liquid metal son of a bitch!
Best Part: Every time the scary music kicks in when the evil Terminator T-1000 runs!

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Best Quote: “Hasta la vista, baby.”

FIVE
Universal Soldier – 1992 – Starring Jean Claude Van Damme & Dolph Lundgren

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Plot: Some kick ass soldiers who fought (and died!) in the Vietnam War, are brought back to life to help the military on some secret mission that has “FAIL” written all over it! Obviously one of the lethal soldiers, Andrew Scott (Lundgren) who likes to collect his victims ears as a strange souvenir goes rogue, and it takes Luc Deveraux (Van Damme) to stop the psycho.
Best Part: When Van Damme casually runs and smashes through three consecutive walls of a motel… because he’s technically a zombie muscle man who can do what he likes!
Best Quote: Scott – “Say good night, asshole.” Luc – “Good night, asshole.”

SIX
Bad Boys – 1995 – Starring Will Smith & Martin Lawrence

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Plot: Two funny guy cops Marcus Burnett (Lawrence) and Mike Lowrey (Smith) run around trying to take down a drug kingpin. There’s big explosions, gun fights and Will Smith has his shirt unbuttoned a lot of the time!
Best Part: When the date for Lawrence’s daughter comes to the front door and he gets roasted and aggressively threatened by both Smith and Lawrence! Hilarity ensues!
Best Quote: “He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin’ him down. We beatin’ him DOWN!”

SEVEN
The Matrix – 1999 – Starring Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving & Laurence Fishburne

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Plot: A sci-fi classic that popularised the visual effect of ‘bullet time’ that slowed down action shots (made dodging bullets look cool!) and spawned spoof movies and cartoons!

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Computer programmer Neo (Reeves) learns the truth about “The Matrix” a simulated reality believed as the real world and the actual dystopian future of Zion which is bleak as feck! Neo with the help of Morpheus (Fishburne) and Trinity (Moss) has to fight Agents in sharp suits to figure out if he’s ‘the one’. Everyone looks like a cyberpunk dressed in either leather, latex and sunglasses!
Best Part: When Neo casually says “no” and stops the bullets flying towards him in mid-air and then proceeds to batter the shit out of Agent Smith with one hand!
Best Quote: “This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

EIGHT
Under Siege – 1992 – Starring Steven Seagal & Tommy Lee Jones

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Plot: Ex-Navy SEAL Casey Ryback (Seagal) who is now a cook, fights to stop a group of idiots/mercenaries fronted by bitter, unstable ex-CIA Bill Strannix (Lee Jones) on a battleship. An actress from Baywatch stars as the sassy blonde Tate who brings nothing to the story except randomly jumping out of cake in her underwear!
Best Part: Tommy Lee Jones’ bandana!
Best Quote: Tate – “So, who are you? Are you like some special forces guy or something?” Ryback – “Nah. I’m just a cook.” Tate – “A cook?” Ryback – “Just a lowly, lowly cook.” Tate – “Oh my god we’re gonna die!”

NINE
Speed – 1994 – Starring Keanu Reeves & Sandra Bullock

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Plot: LAPD officer Jack Traven (Reeves) tries to save a load of folk on a bus that’s rigged with a bomb. Oh, and if the bus slows down below 50mph then BOOM! Passenger and obvious love interest Annie (Bullock with bad hair but we love her anyways!) takes the wheel while Keanu tries to diffuse the bomb, catch the killer and get the girl!
Best Part: When the bus jumps a ginormous gap in the road and nobody dies, AND it stays above 50mph.
Best Quote: Jack – “Miss, can you handle this bus?” Annie – “Oh sure. It’s just like driving a really big Pinto.”

TEN
Mission: Impossible – 1996 – Starring Tom Cruise, his handsome Scientology face and perfect teeth! (Everyone else is fairly insignificant!)

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Plot: The first of many confusing Mission: Impossible films where Tom Cruise does his own stunts and somehow doesn’t kill himself! Ethan Hunt (Cruise) is a super-duper spy type person who is framed for the murder of all his agent mates. Gutted. Thus, proceeds crazy aerial tricks, impossible disguises and clever clues that not even Jessica Fletcher herself would ever find as Hunt tries to track down who betrayed him and why.
Best Part: Obviously the iconic dangling from the ceiling stunt.
Best Quote: (Ethan holding explosive chewing gum) “RED LIGHT! GREEN LIGHT!”

And there we have it! Big 90s action, explosions, corny lines, guns and incomprehensible storylines! I love it!

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The N Word : The Nostalgia Project

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I’m that person who can be found most days saying, “remember when…” with a warm glow in my heart as I fondly reminisce about a childhood memory. If I could camp out in 1992 with my Nintendo Game Boy, Captain Planet on a giant television set whilst wearing a highly flammable shell suit, then I would steal a Delorean time machine and make that shit happen! Nostalgic musings of awesomeness is where I shine brightest!

The sentimentality of a memory is an important component to life. It first emerged from the Greek words nostos meaning ‘homecoming’ and algos meaning ‘ache’. It was later coined in the 17th century to describe the medical condition of anxiety. Since then the word has spawned a slightly different meaning associated with romanticism and the longing for those ‘good old days.’ Nostalgia can be anything from a smell, to a touch to an event in one’s past. It can also be stumbling into your parent’s garage and finding forgotten bottles of Archers peach schnapps and Malibu rum that instantly throws you back to being a teenager... sleeping in fields with vomit in your hair!

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Nostalgia evokes strong vivid reactions in the human brain. The smell of freshly cut grass makes me think of playing football in the school holidays with my brother. This stimulus alone provokes once dormant memories to fizz in my brain and etch-a-sketch a little smile on my face no matter how much of a shitty day I may be having.

Although nostalgia was once considered in a negative light with images of melancholy, homesickness and anxiety, it is now thought of as a trope for improving mood and creating positive emotions. Nostalgia is also a fantastic coping mechanism when life smacks you in the face with adulting!

What is The N Word Project?

After spending an afternoon with my nan who has dementia, I decided that I wanted to explore what nostalgia means to different people. The potent power of childhood memories and past experiences are the things that keeps my nan smiling when she’s feeling confused with modern life, so I wanted to discover the importance of these reflective moments in our lives. The N Word Project is a collection of interviews with interesting folk as I try to figure out what nostalgia is all about.

First up is Brandon Felczer who part owns the amazing retro arcade bar Token in Dublin. They opened in 2017 and offer not only 30+ original video arcades and pinballs to play with, but also some seriously delicious gourmet food and of course booze to accompany all that gaming!

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How did you get involved in Token?

I arrived in Dublin in December 2016 with two suitcases and no idea what I was going to do! I had a dream to live in Ireland and I had 90 days to figure it all out. So, I was talking to friends and thought about setting up a restaurant or bar. My friends suggested a retro arcade bar because they’re really popular in the states. So, I Googled 'retro arcade bar Dublin' and an article from Lovin Dublin two years previous popped up. I decided to reach out via Facebook to the company and Nick the primary founder, and I asked to be involved… And here we are!

What do you think it is about Token that makes it so popular?

It’s unique! There is nothing like it in Dublin. It gives you something different to do other than just coming in and having something to eat or drink. It’s great as a date night venue, we do community events, there’s food challenges and monthly specials and we are always evolving making changes based on what we hear from customers.

For me nostalgia and childhood memories make me feel like I’m hugging a hot water bottle or placing a warm towel over my eyes. What kind of emotions or imagery evokes nostalgia for you?

For me it’s definitely retro graphics like the screens that you see, retro clothing and certain colours and old cars. I love what’s going on in Stranger Things and how you get sucked into this world of the past.

What was your first gaming console?

Super Nintendo! My uncle gave it to my me and my sister for a present and it was my first experience on a gaming console. Super Mario Bros! I was obsessed with it and haven’t stopped playing games since.

What was your favourite video game?

My favourite game isn’t actually a retro game but it’s the Unchartered Series. It’s amazing! It started on the Playstation and has four core games and one spinoff. That and The Last of Us. Amazing cinematics and all about the narrative. I really love narrative driven games that make you feel like you’re playing a movie.

What retro game throws you right back into being a kid again? Mine is Streets of Rage on the Mega Drive!

I would say Super Mario World and Zelda, especially Ocarina of Time on the Nintendo 64. It’s won a lot of best game awards. It’s literally one of those masterpieces that has been untouched by time where you can keep playing it over and over and transports me right back to my childhood and trying to get through that water temple!

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Do you think Token taps into the sentimentality and fond memories of youth as a marketing tool?

Oh absolutely! It’s all about being a grown-up kid without the kids screaming around you! From 4pm daily we’re 18+ (age) So you can come in and be a kid again, play games and eat fun tasty food. It’s a place to come and let your guard down and just throw back to what you would do as a kid and also drink a little bit! All of our games have drink holders, so you can continue your sippage and sesh while you’re gaming!

If you had a time machine/Delorean, which age would you go back to and live for a week and why?

Oh my gosh! I’ll probably have to say 6th grade when I was 12. I think I finally came into my youth and got out of a really awkward phase! I had really fun friends where we played a lot of games. And Final Fantasy 7 was out! That’s actually up there with one of my favourite retro games as well. It was before you started working, but you still had some responsibility and you valued your free time with your friends and I filled a lot of my time with gaming. Yeah, I definitely would go back to when I was 12! Young, dumb, carefree, hitting puberty but it was a fun time!

Do you think that it is unhealthy to still live in the past? Does nostalgia and reminiscing about the good old days prevent us from moving forward and grabbing new adventures and opportunities?

I think it is totally fair to enjoy your past and relive some of that. But I think you should apply that to your mindset of today and how you are as a person. But it is kinda fun to let go of things and be transported to the past and put on a retro game and not worry about what’s going on in the world. It’s just dumb fun! And I think dumb fun is ok once in a while. I do believe your past is the past. Like if I had a time machine I would have the option to go back but I would also choose not to go. Because everywhere I’m at from the past has led me to where I am now, and I focus on that. I do reflect on the past, so I don’t repeat the same mistakes and I take my learnings forward, but I think you can separate out retro fun and dwelling too much on the past.

Top Free 80s and 90s Retro Games for the iPhone

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So, are you rocking the latest fancy pants iPhone like every other unimaginative lemming (including myself!) on the planet? Every time my contract is due for a renewal I curse the moons and the stars at how rubbish my now obsolete iPhone is and threaten to cross over to the dark side of SAMSUNG! However, due to me being a creature of habit/lazy mofo and not being a fan of change, I always continue with Apple and ignore the enticing alternative of Android.

The thing is… I may be turned on with ridiculous uber modern techy shite like paying for groceries via my phone… that can only be opened with my entire giant face BUT I also find myself desperately clinging onto the good old retro inspired days especially when it comes to gaming. If I could carry around my Sega Mega Drive and SNES Mini I would... but I fear that I would be this kind of unnecessary hipster wanker!

When vintage and modernity collide... but you're also still a bit of a twat!

When vintage and modernity collide... but you're also still a bit of a twat!

So how do we marry the old grumpy assholes of the world who refuse to move on from their childhood with new technology?? By playing retro video games on your iOS device of choice! Obviously.

Here are my top 5 80s & 90s retro games you can blissfully play on your iPhone all the live long day! I went for simplicity and a heavy dose of nostalgia when picking these. The kind of games that you can tap away on your iPhone when waiting for a bus wishing you called in sick to work! (All games are available for free from the iOS App Store.)

One – Sonic The Hedgehog 2

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I mean, Sonic numero uno is fun and all... but Sonic The Hedgehog 2 in my opinion ups the frivolity and merriment when you have your pal Tails in the mix! This game was originally released in 1992 and you can now be happily kicking Dr. “Eggman” Robotnik’s ass on your daily commute into work in 2018! Woooo science and stuff! This version of the iconic Sega game is the most complete with regards to gameplay with a remastered soundtrack we all will instantly recognise. You can play this game for free (with the usual ad free in-app purchases if you like) Explore 12 zones, collect rings, take on the Time Attack mode and you can also fly as Tails!

Two – Snake ‘97

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If you didn’t spend hours on your Nokia 3210 following a snake around on dot-matrix screen trying not to die… did you even grow up in the 90s?! This is a homage to yesteryear where we all lost ourselves in the most iconic mobile phone game from the 1990s. Snake has all the old features complete with the same monotone sound effects! Get addicted once again and lose more precious hours of your life on this classic retro game!

Three – PAC-MAN

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This highly addictive game is certainly one of, if not THE most popular video games in the entire history of gaming… ever! Recreate the classic arcade feel with your fingers and thumbs as you scurry around in a dark pixelated room popping pills and running away from ghosts! You can play in new tournaments, opt for one of three game difficulty levels including the original 1980 PAC-MAN as well as getting hints and tips along the way. If you’re going to get your retro gaming on, then playing with this iconic character on your iPhone is a good place to start!

Four – Space Invaders

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This is another arcade classic from one of the world’s longest running gaming franchises! Earth is being attacked and you need to defend our planet against the relentless assault! Ooooh drama! Space Invaders along with PAC-MAN are classic examples of gameplay getting faster and harder until you die… a bit like life! Play Space Invaders for free on your iPhone by tilting your phone to steer your spaceship and tapping left or right to blow the crap outta the enemy! For an instant gratification and wave of wistfulness, Space Invaders will keep you distracted long enough to miss your stop on the train!

Five – Breakout

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Breakout is an Atari classic that had gaming geeks hooked forever… or until your mum called you for dinner! This arcade must-have now can be played on your iPhone with enhanced graphics and added features like power ups and boost control. Sounds exciting right?!! You initially get 10 free levels and then you are able to purchase 200+ additional levels. Get involved and share your top scores with the global leader board, because nothing says I have too much time on my hands like an Atari Breakout top score!

Top 10 On Screen Dads From the 80s & 90s

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With Father’s Day coming up verrrrrry shortly (if you've forgotten then pick up a generic petrol station card and a packet of Werther's Original pronto!) I thought I would throw love at a bunch of dads we all knew and loved from television and cinema. Let’s celebrate our surrogate on-screen fathers with the highest of virtual high fives… because this is the internet and lists on random shit accompanied with pics and gifs distracts us from real life! 

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1. John McClane – Die Hard

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I like to think that my dad is stronger than your dad… but if your dad was actually Mr McClane… I would profusely apologise for my bold ridiculous statement. Yes, he has his flaws like every other puny father… but this daddy is capable of bringing down a criminal mastermind and save Christmas all at once.

Fun Die Hard Fact: The terrified look on Hans Gruber's face when he falls is genuine! The stunt man decided to drop Alan Rickman 1 second earlier than expected and it was this take that made the movie!

2. Homer Simpson – The Simpsons

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Homer is the dad who doesn’t pretend to be the best parent in the land… because it’s an expectation he will never ever meet. He may be completely incompetent and lazy as hell, but when he’s not eating, drinking… and eating… and drinking some more… he loves his family no matter what. Usually.

Fun Simpsons Fact: Krusty the Clown was originally created to be Homer's secret identity but this was later scrapped because the storyline was deemed too complex!

3. Philip Banks – The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

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Uncle Phil is large and in charge! He’s also hardcore with disciplining his kids and will have no problems in taking away your pony when your wealthy spoilt ass starts acting up. Uncle Phil can be found most days being the fun police, and also instilling family values as well as treating his troublesome but hilarious nephew Will like his own.

Fun Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Fact: Uncle Phil's law firm was called Firth, Wynn & Meyer which is a play on the band Earth, Wind & Fire!

4. Desmond Ambrose – Desmonds

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Everyone needs a dad who makes a living from being a fairly rubbish barber. Right? Stubborn but amusing, Desmond was all about his family but mainly about the banter with his unemployed mates like Porkpie! As a father he was always there for his kids, even if it took his wife Shirley to talk him down off a ledge from time to time. 

Fun Desmonds Fact: With 71 episodes, Desmonds became Channel 4's longest running sitcom!

5. Mufasa – The Lion King

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Long live the King! His death still upsets me now! He’s the type of dad who puts his family first… even over his own life. (Slightly dramatic but fairplay to him!) Whether he’s teaching young Simba life skills (which his son promptly forgets because he’s all angsty and grieving over the murder of his old man!) or banging on about the great circle of life, Mufasa is a total hero dad! And a massive lion...

Fun Lion King Fact: Pumbaa was the first Disney character to fart on screen!

6. Daniel Hillard – Mrs Doubtfire

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If you want a somewhat questionable example of dad who goes above and beyond to see his own kids, then Daniel is it! Nothing says love, commitment and compassion than impersonating an old dear like Mrs Doubtfire. Who knew that transforming into a woman could make Daniel be a better father!

Fun Mrs Doubtfire Fact: Robin Williams tested out his full grandma drag outfit in a sex shop to see if he would be instantly recognised! He wasn't!

7. Wayne Szalinski – Honey I Shrunk the Kids

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We all love quirky… and strange… and sometimes obsessively dangerous in a real geeky science way! Despite the fact that Wayne manages to invent a ray gun that shrinks his and the neighbour’s kids is just a minor detail! I’m sure nearly killing them all was all a part of his goofy dad act! Or something.

Fun Honey I Shrunk the Kids Fact: Chevy Chase and John Candy were offered the role of Wayne Szalinski but turned it down. It was Candy who suggested Rick Moranis!

8. Oliver Warbucks – Annie

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He’s rich and he saves your life through a song and dance! What's not to love?! Everyone needs a Daddy Warbucks in their life! Especially for all those pesky times you get kidnapped by con artists and are left dangling off the edge of a bridge. Super.

Fun Annie Fact: Steve Martin was initially offered the role of con man Rooster but declined as he was going through a break up at the time with Bernadette Peters who played Rooster's girlfriend Lily St Regis in the film.

9. Peter Mitchell, Michael Kellam & Jack Holden – Three Men and a Baby

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One dad is great… but three is even better. Baby Mary is one lucky lady! It takes a village to raise a child and precisely three good looking bachelors to take care of a baby, hold down jobs and outsmart drug dealers! Now if that doesn’t say love, then I don’t know what does!

Fun Three Men and a Baby Fact: There was no ghost in the apartment! The urban myth that the ghost of a small boy can be seen in the film is in fact a cardboard cutout of Jack in a tux!

10. Henry Jones Sr – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

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Indiana Jones is pretty cool, but his dad is an undeniable DILF! I’m going to try and ignore the fact that his father is played by Sean Connery (who also played the small role of James Bond seven times) and just stick with the facts… He’s daring, and dashing… and behind his frosty façade and reluctance to be a 'normal' father figure to Indy… he loves his boy. (He also was 007. Just saying!)

Fun Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Fact: It was Harrison Ford who suggested River Phoenix to play the young Indiana in the movie. Phoenix studied how Ford was like out of character and used that to portray young Indy.

Top 5 1980s Movie Villains

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Behind every good hero, there’s some little prick who has made their life fairly miserable. Good and evil require a balance. The victory lap of our triumphant hero would be slightly embarrassing if they didn’t first outwit/kill their maniacal archenemy. The films of the 1980s birthed many a glorious baddie. Some we love to hate. Some we just straight up hate. And others are so random and farcical that we genuinely have no idea what the hell is going on!

Now look into the camera and be all scary and stuff... (Bennett from Commando 1985)

Now look into the camera and be all scary and stuff... (Bennett from Commando 1985)

Here are my top 5 80s villains from some most excellent movies!

Ivan Drago – Rocky IV 1986

This guy was seeeeerious! All buff and ting with his perfectly chiselled jaw and giant steroid enhanced muscles. He did not come to play. First of all, he rocks up and kills Rocky’s best pal Apollo in the ring, and second of all… HE JUST DOESN’T CARE! 

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This is one film that I can watch a thousand times over. Mainly because the training montage is epic and makes me feel like I too could traverse a snow peaked mountain… if I wanted to. Watching Rocky finally overcome a hostile Soviet Union crowd and beat the shit out of Ivan Drago makes me smile with my whole face!

Biff Tannen – Back to the Future 1985

This guy is the epitome of the word asshat. He’s an irritant to the highest degree but he’s also hilariously stupid/brutal. (Remember that one time he sexually assaults Marty’s mum and hits her. Awkward.) He’s your classic high school bully who finds twisted delight in making others seem weak. Even though he’s a complete tosser, the Back to the Future Trilogy would be lost without this angry man child.

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The Fratellis – The Goonies 1985

The fact that grown-ups are persistent in the demise of children makes me nervous laugh! These marauding bandits fronted by Mama Fratelli are terrifying but also add a class touch of hilarity to such a fantastic movie. I feel like the comedy capers of The Fratellis should end with them waving their fist in the air and shouting, “I’ll get you next time you pesky kids!”

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General Zod – Superman II 1980

This film is probably my favourite in the Christopher Reeve Superman trilogy. (I’m pretending that Superman IV with Nuclear Man didn’t happen because it was pants!) I mean, this guy... *eye roll*

I just got my nails did!

I just got my nails did!

General Zod is played superbly by legendary actor Terence Stamp. But don’t let his lovely face of manly beardy-ness and slicked back hair fool you. This guy is evil. Along with his backup dancers/Kryptonian criminals they wreck Metropolis because Superman decided he wanted to be human. Fool! The reason I love to hate this classic 80s villain is because General Zod created one of the most iconic scenes from the complete Superman franchise, and for this General, I will kneel!

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Johnny Lawrence – The Karate Kid 1984

Another classic bad boy bully from another great 80s movie, The Karate Kid. Now let’s be honest. In a real fight Daniel-san would get his ass handed to him by Johnny. The (illegal) crane kick was a complete fluke but I’m willing to go with it because I’m such a huge fan of this film. The thing with Johnny is that yes, he’s a mean asshole but at the end of the film you can see he is having an internal conflict of character mainly because he finally realises his karate teacher’s demands of breaking bones is kinda unreasonable! We love you Johnny! And your floppy blonde fringe!

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It's going to be a no from me scary sensei man....

Beano's 80th Anniversary at The McMenace

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The McManus Gallery in Dundee Scotland will be aptly renamed as The McMenace for the 80th anniversary of the much loved Beano Comic. The name 'McMenace' referring to the hugely popular rascal of the comics, Dennis the Menace. 

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The exhibition will be taking place from June to October 2018 and will be showcasing not just the characters of the comic but the history behind the pages. The Beano is the longest running children's comic first appearing in 1938.

FUN RANDOM FACT: During The Second World War, the usual weekly instalments of The Beano and The Dandy were published on alternate weeks due to paper and ink rationing!  

Some of Beano's well loved characters are the likes of The Bash Street Kids, Dennis the Menace, Minnie the Minx, Roger the Dodger and Billy Whizz.   

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The exhibition will mainly be focusing on The Bast Street Kids as the concept for these characters were inspired by pupils at Dundee High School. Mike Stirling head of Beano Studios Scotland has said that The Beano and The Bash Street Kids are woven into the rebellious fabric of Dundee city. “I don’t believe they could have been created anywhere else – and I don’t say that lightly.”... "It is the City of Discovery. If you don’t rebel, you don’t discover.”

If you get the chance head to The McMenace in the home town of where Beano began and celebrate the iconic comic! The exhibition runs from June 2nd to October 21st.

10 Reasons Why Everyone Loved 90s Teen Magazines

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Adidas tracksuit bottoms with rip away poppers on the side? Check. A makeup bag composed of Rimmel Heather Shimmer, blue eye shadow and a foundation that was three shades darker than your actual skin colour? Check. And an array of teen magazines Sugar, Bliss, Just Seventeen, More, Smash Hits or Top of the Pops? Bitch please! CHECK! Here are the top 10 reasons why 90s magazines were honestly the best things.

One – Song Lyrics

Sorry? Googling the lyrics to songs? No no child. What you needed to do was pick up a copy of Smash Hits magazine and find the lyrics for all the latest boybands and solo artists who have since filed for bankruptcy or sold their Brit Award on eBay. I definitely had a neat collection of East 17 and NSYNC’s hits with a bit of Aqua “I’m a Barbie Girl.”

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Two – Problem Page

If you wanted to feel better about yourself, then all you had to do was cast an eye over the problem pages of every teen magazine! From how to deal with bad breath and homework stress right the way to “How to know if it’s cool or not when your older boyfriend pressurises your fifteen year old self into having sex?’ *cue frantic 999 calls*

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Three – Freebies

From glitter hair mascara (why?!) to stickers of your favourite Brookside TV character and a full size spray can of Charlie Red! 90s teen magazines provided endless fun!

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Four – Celeb Interviews

How else were you supposed to find out about the Spice Girls favourite takeaway or the last phone call Peter Andre had? 90s teen mags offered an insight into the lives of those unattainable famous folk with aspirations that one day they would be our best friends/one night stand.

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Five – Posters

My childhood bedroom walls were plastered with the faces of Take That, Peter Andre, MN8, and Shane from Home and Away! Did I actually care enough about these oiled-up hunks of burning love? Or was I just trying to mask the pangs of my throbbing homosexuality?! Who cares! Wrecking your bedroom walls with sellotape by sticking up a poster from your favourite 90s magazine was just mandatory.

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Six – Position of the Fortnight

More magazine was scandalous! It was practically pornographic material for the innocent eyes of a thirteen-year-old who had barely seen a penis before! If you were feeling racy you would buy More, hide it from your parents and pretend that you knew what sex was!

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Seven – Collecting all the copies

Like, why?! I remember my mother wanting to throw out all my Sugar magazines and I wailed telling her that I needed to keep each copy. I didn’t. Nobody needed them. But for some reason throwing them out and recycling them was just such a crazy notion to even consider. Fecking idiot.

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Eight – Fashion and Makeup Tips

There would be at least a two page spread on how to make your face and your body look EXACTLY like malnourished, pubescent Caucasian girls in the magazines. However, I’m black and have thighs and hips for daaaaays! So, it sucked for me, but my mates loved it!

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Nine – Quizzes

Before Buzzfeed quizzes that expertly calculated your favourite toothpaste flavour by how many shoes you own, 90s teen magazines sucked you in with all kinds of life affirming questionnaires. The subject matter mainly revolved around relationships, boys and periods. Winner!

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Ten – Embarrassing Stories

90s magazines clearly copped on to the fact that we were basically buying them to make ourselves feel  better about our adolescent meltdowns and screaming to the heavens "BUT WHY DOESN'T HE FANCY MEEEEEE?!" So, enters the cringe 'real life' stories of “that one time I got my period in P.E class and had to use my hockey sock as a sanitary towel!” Yes, they were completely made up, but at least we didn’t feel like we were failing that hard at life!

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5 Thoughts About The SNES Classic Mini

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I never was into Super Nintendo (SNES) growing up. Yes, I have just blasphemed and I’m sure your eyes are bleeding with such an outrageous statement! My only real brush with Nintendo was the Game Boy that I adored. My parents were fine advocates of second hand items “Give it a wipe and it’ll be as good as new again!” So, when it came to game consoles, my brother and I were always years behind the latest gaming trend. When my friends were swooning over the original Nintendo, I was playing Frogger on the Atari. When they advanced to the Sega Mega Drive or SNES (nobody had both! Pick a side!) I was patiently waiting for tape cassettes to load in my ZX Spectrum and then playing Paperboy and Dizzy. So, when my mother bought me a brand-new Sega Mega Drive I cherished it like it was my own child/pizza! 

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I received the SNES Classic Mini for my birthday last year and of course I was delighted! Any retro gaming console with built in games is going to have me salivating like these! Plus I always had a soft spot for Street Fighter on the SNES after I played against my next-door neighbour when I was about 12 and hammered the shit out of him with Ryu’s dragon punch and hurricane kick!

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But I digress...

I unpacked the console and immediately Forest Gumped my way to setting it up without instructions… because instructions are for the weak! I then executed the sitting lotus position on the floor mere centimetres away from the telly and then proceeded to gush out loud. A lot of people are not fans of the smaller reboots of plug and play retro consoles. It’s like ‘real’ DJ’s getting pissed off at other DJ’s who don’t use vinyl because they think they’re bastardising a much-loved skill and artistry. Yes, the old skool ninja ways are still hugely important and the quality is no doubt pure, but I also think that if you’re enjoying it, then why does it matter how it’s produced? Here were my 5 initial thoughts when I set about playing my new SNES Mini for the first time.

One

“OMG! This is so tiny and cute I can hold it in one hand and not freak out that I’m going to break it for being a clumsy smart ass.” The SNES Mini is very compact and light and feels more like a toy prop compared to the original SNES from 1992. I may have picked it up, waved it in the air a bit and thought, “Wow, this looks like it’s fake!” and “Why isn’t this a Mega Drive?!”

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Two

“If this doesn’t have Street Fighter, then I hope you kept the receipt!” The SNES Mini does of course have Street Fighter 2 pre-installed ready to go. It also has 20 other retro games including the classics like Super Mario, Donkey Kong, Zelda and Contra.

Three

“Where the hell do I connect the controllers?” The SNES Mini is not an exact functional replica of the original. The main features on the console are just for aesthetic purposes. So, no you can’t use cartridges as the slot is just an illusion of lies! And yes, you might have a few minutes of shouting hysterically that your console is broken, and then realise (with a little patience and deep breathing) that the original controllers ports are also make believe! The new controller ports (Nintendo Wii remote style) are stealthily hidden in a compartment under the pretend ones. Sneaky genius! 

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Four

“Where is the mains plug or is this so advanced I have to remotely power the SNES Mini with thoughts and prayers?!” The small console does come with a USB lead, but you will need your own plug to connect it to a power supply. This isn’t a big deal as I used my iPhone plug that was kicking about the house, so you will be able to grab one from your smart phone or other generic electrical device to make the magic happen!

Five

“Oh yeah, I forgot how much I actually suck at Mario!” After having irrational meltdowns setting up the really quite simple SNES Mini, it was amazing to relive the memories and give my thumbs a workout! If you just want a taste of good old Nintendo retro gaming, then these handy consoles with built in games are fantastic. However, if you want to immerse yourself in the full Shangri-La of 1990s gaming, then you can purchase a second hand original SNES Classic quite easily online from a specialist retro gaming shop like The R.A.G.E for my Irish peeps and RetroPlayers for my UK pals! You can then buy all the old cartridges your heart so desires!

For me as a part-time SNES lover, the Super Nintendo Classic Mini pushes my buttons!

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10 Inappropriate Iconic Films

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Like most folk trying to run away from the responsibility of ‘adulting’ I miss my youthful ignorance! The kind of heavenly bliss where my only stress was maths homework, the only tragedy in my life was Mufasa dying in The Lion King and the feeling of intense smugness blowing onto my Sega Mega Drive game cartridges when the screen got all messed up as if I was genius computer hacker. I loved watching shed loads of VHS movies my parents used to rent from our local video shop. Remember those?!

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As I look back, exhale a nostalgic sigh and revisit the films I adored... I can't help but think that some movies were massively inappropriate for my fragile adolescent mind! I mean, most films from the 80s and 90s laugh in the face of political correctness, but there’s some classic cinema that with the gift of hindsight are really quite disturbing! Here are 10 great films where the subject matter was entirely lost on me.

Lets take it back! #flashback

Lets take it back! #flashback

Dirty Dancing - 1987

A classic film where I’m sure you and your mates have attempted ‘the lift’ on a drunken night out to soon realise that someone definitely needs an ambulance! It's a beautiful love story where girl meets boy, boy treats girl like a complete muppet, girl can't get enough because dickhead boys are super attractive, boy succumbs to girl's watermelon carrying abilities, girl's dad massively overreacts, boy says 'nobody puts baby in the corner', girl and boy live happily ever after! Oh, and did anyone else miss the whole ABORTION storyline??!! Like seriously... where did that come from?! Can we all not just dance and get along! At the time of watching this film I was all caught up in the romance and the flash of Patrick Swayze’s bum... and it was only years later I now understand why my parents went mental at me for watching it on my own!

Look Who's Talking - 1989

This movie starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley with the voice of Bruce Willis is still such a brilliant film! I remember watching this and cracking up whilst being totally overwhelmed by the hilarity of a talking baby. This classic late 80s film was a simple comedy about a baby who can talk! Nothing else right?! It was only years later that the ‘funny talking tadpoles’ at the beginning of the film penetrating the woman’s egg finally made sense. Pennies. Dropped. Everywhere! Now my mother’s hysteria after I watched and fully enjoyed it makes sense!

The Lost Boys - 1987

This film actually ruined me as a child! Vampires were always terrifying to me (until I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer which deserves an entire blog dedicated to the amazingness!) I assumed this was just a film about adolescent vampiric tomfoolery until my best friend sent me this text:

“The head vampire is an older rich man; his vampires are all teenage eternally youthful boys and he tries to indoctrinate more boys and use their mum as his paedo vampire beard! Gross!”
Mind. Blown.

Mind. Blown.

Pretty Woman - 1990

Cinder-fucking-rella! I'm all about Julia Roberts. She is funny, ridiculously attractive and she made prostitution seem glamourous as if it was a real viable career path for me after I finished school. Roberts portrayal of a lady of the night seemed like a romantic fairy tale which let’s face it is very impressive. As a youth this movie was just a gorgeous love story of a red head who falls in love with a rich dude... the fact that she was a hooker went right over my head. Big mistake... huge!

Back to the Future - 1985

All kinds of crazy sexy cool! An 80s cult classic with a ridiculous plot but one of the best movies...ever! Trying to make my dad go 88 mph on the motorway in his 1992 Toyota Celica to see if time travel really is possible, still remains a fond memory of mine. This film had it all. Comedy, pathos, drama, a good looking cast and… incest! How many of us tried to pretend that the younger version of Marty’s mum somewhat aggressively trying to get in his pants wasn’t uncomfortable… at all. 

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They even share a kiss and yet my 10 year old self just figured that it was a comedic device to further the plot!

The Breakfast Club – 1985

This popular movie featuring some of the 80s iconic “Brat Pack” actors gives a giant middle finger to being socially, politically, racially and sexually sound. Watching it now always makes me audibly groan with distaste as it’s fairly shocking to hear the language like “faggot” being used as a playful curse word and scenes showing how the bad boy of the group continually sexually harasses one of the leading females of the group. At one point (after consistently mocking her for being a virgin) he goes under the table and puts his head in her crotch where she visibly squirms and resists, and then later he slut shames her! *face palm* How did this shit fly?!

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Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back - 1980

For those unfamiliar with the plot, where the hell have you been?! I would like to think at the time of making this film George Lucas didn’t intend for Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia to be siblings… because incest is not best George! However, when I watched this as a child this glaringly obvious disturbance flew straight over my head. In fairness there is a lot going on in this movie so keeping up with who was tongue kissing who wasn’t my main concern.

Mrs Doubtfire – 1993

One of Robin Williams finest roles. For a film that is about a father who dresses up as a middle-aged woman in order to spend time with his kids (because his estranged wife is essentially a knob), Mrs Doubtfire still exuberates all the well-rehearsed cinematic tropes of a warm, well-rounded family drama. I went to see this at the cinema for a friend’s birthday and the scene where Robin Williams’ brother and ‘friend’ help him with his makeup didn’t register at all. In fairness it shouldn’t need to be highlighted so well done, but I never knew his brother and his ‘good pal’ were gay and married! The names Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack probably should have given that away!

Grease – 1978

This fantastic iconic film needs no intro because we’ve all sung our hearts out to the Grease mega mix on many an alcoholic induced night out. It’s a timeless classic where boy meets girl, guy acts like an asshole and girl changes everything about herself to be with him.

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Yes, the message of this movie maybe something we probably would like to forget/sweep under the rug/set on fire along with Disney’s The Little Mermaid’s ideology on changing for a bloke BUT who initially missed the part where Rizzo thought she was pregnant? The entire time I believed she was just being extra moody because she was a bit of a bitch. But no no, she was dealing with a possible teenage pregnancy while everyone else was doing the friggin’ hand jive!

Big – 1988

Another fab film starring Tom Hanks that had idiots like me making wishes to grow up and have an amazingly unrealistic job playing with toys! The concept for the movie was great… until you realise that you’re championing the romance of 12-year-old boy and a 30-something year old woman. The sleepover scene where Susan acts like a sexual predator…? Yeah. That probably should have weirded me out way more than it did!

The Goonies Personality Quiz

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The iconic 80s movie The Goonies is probably my favourite film of all time! It's classic swashbuckling adventure at it's finest with the added joy of inappropriate jokes and expressions that we would never be able to get away with today! I wanna be a Goonie damn it! How about you?? Take this *highly scientific test developed in a lab by professors of geekery to figure out which character from the film you are mostly like!

(*This quiz obviously lacks science because that would be stupid)