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The Goonies

10 Awesomely Ridiculous 80s & 90s Fancy Dress Ideas For Kids

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Halloween is here any minute now and with that comes watching Hocus Pocus on loop whilst being wrapped under 14 blankets on the sofa. Your phone is beeping but you’re still casually ignoring your Whatsapp messages of some Keen Ken who is trying to organise a Halloween party that you have no interest in because a) that requires leaving your house! And b) fun doesn’t live here anymore!

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So, what do you do to get yourself in the mood for all things spectacularly spooky? Dress up a small person in a fancy-dress costume from your childhood of course! Why? Because you’re an adult and they have zero say in the matter. Plus, imagine all the Instagram worthy photos you can take of your little darling purely for the entertainment of you and your friends! #parentinggoals

Goonies Sloth

Hey You Guuuuuuuuys! The Goonies is a classic 80s film that only fools would find something wrong with. Persuade your child to ditch the latest superhero character that all their friends are imitating. (And if they begin to have a full-on meltdown at your dictatorship, tell them that one of their toys is possessed by the spirit of a maniacal, disfigured, Japanese, orphaned, drug addict, who will haunt them in their sleep if they don’t get their shit together!) Encourage your little ones to stand out from the crowd and be their own superhero… let them be SLOTH! Yes, he’s not as handsome as Captain America and he can’t lunge real low like The Black Widow, but Sloth CAN save a bunch of entitled kids on a pirate ship! So, your move Marvel! 

Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

The original Ghostbusters is a solid 1980s benchmark of a movie that lives in the memory of every 80s child. Especially every 80s child who was Forest Gumping their way through puberty and felt sexually intrigued by Dana/Zuul.

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The cast ensemble is superb, the concept is amazingly bizarre, and it spawned many young folks boldly declaring that they wanted to be a Ghostbuster when they grew up! However, don’t go for the obvious with this fancy dress outfit as that’s too easy. Go for the one character in the film that nearly destroyed New York City. It’s all about the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!

Mario

This little Italian plumber has been kicking around since 1981 and is one of the most recognisable faces when it comes to retro gaming and Nintendo. I know your child probably doesn’t care enough and is flipping you the finger whilst scrolling through their expensive iPad you bought to pacify them, but this fancy dress costume should win prizes! And if it doesn’t, then I think a strongly worded letter to whoever is in charge of this shit show of a fancy-dress competition should do it!

Oompa Loompa

Raise your hand if you feel personally victimised by the strangeness of the original Oompa Loompas from Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory?! (And yes, I am fully aware that this is from the 1971 film but this was a staple in my childhood so I’m ignoring it!) Now if these small strange beings still make you feel ever so nervous, then this Halloween outfit for kids will work out perfectly for your small person. I’m also fairly certain the bright orange face paints will ruin all your soft furnishings in the house… but that’s what you signed up for with this parenting gig! Destruction and mayhem.

Yoda  

I mean. Just look! This Halloween costume is perfect for babies and toddlers because they get to work the cute factor while simultaneously having no idea what the hell is going on! The words Star Wars are just incoherent sounds to an infant, but to those indoctrinated into the way of The Force, this is geek goals! If anything, this Yoda fancy dress costume is enough to make us all point, laugh and coo “that’s adoooorable!” while your small child laughs at the ceiling, cries for no reason and shits themselves.

Chucky Doll

I’m not going to lie. I’ve watched maybe 10 minutes of the film Child’s Play and decided that it was a magnificently giant NO from me because I just can’t cope! We all know the horror story of how a doll comes to life and murders people just for LOLS, so why not bring the essence of an iconic slasher movie to the youths of today!

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If dressing your child as a serial killer is not your bag, but you wish to drown them in glorious memories from your childhood, then The Very Hungry Caterpillar is a pacifists dream! Where we lack in scares, we gain in cuteness! This was a favourite book of mine when I was a kid and now as an adult I only have respect and admiration for a gluttonous caterpillar who eats its way to beauty! #FitLife #FitFam

Edward Scissorhands

This Tim Burton fantasy costume is always a fab go-to when it comes to Halloween. It’s a quintessential look that is easily identifiable, and if it’s pulled off then it’s just the right shade of scary… but in a friendly hairdresser kinda way! Although Edward Scissorhands is meant to be male, this outfit is re-imagined for a girl because sometimes us ladies want to look dark and cool. (Not covered in pink or frills or… projecting heteronormative gender roles!)

Beetlejuice

Another Tim Burton dark comedy classic that does the rounds every Halloween. Beetlejuice is a much-loved movie that scared the crap out of me as a child but also made me love it in equal measure. It’s time to make your little ones decide if the smutty, crude, poltergeist will actually scar their tiny impressionable minds, or will they embrace him and laugh out loud. Nervous laughter is also ok! Either way, this fancy dress outfit is all kinds of awesome and needs to be seen!

Toby From Labyrinth

You remind me of the babe! If your child is not even walking yet and you want to participate in the peer pressure Halloween dress up but you’re feeling incredibly lazy, then this stripy onesie is a winner! Toby is the baby from the definitive 80s film Labyrinth and he is the reason why shit gets real and people nearly die in order to save him… while he’s off having his jollies with the Goblin King David Bowie! You can dress your cute person in this red stripy number and recklessly throw him or her around the living room whilst dancing! Fun.

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Top 5 1980s Movie Villains

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Behind every good hero, there’s some little prick who has made their life fairly miserable. Good and evil require a balance. The victory lap of our triumphant hero would be slightly embarrassing if they didn’t first outwit/kill their maniacal archenemy. The films of the 1980s birthed many a glorious baddie. Some we love to hate. Some we just straight up hate. And others are so random and farcical that we genuinely have no idea what the hell is going on!

Now look into the camera and be all scary and stuff... (Bennett from Commando 1985)

Now look into the camera and be all scary and stuff... (Bennett from Commando 1985)

Here are my top 5 80s villains from some most excellent movies!

Ivan Drago – Rocky IV 1986

This guy was seeeeerious! All buff and ting with his perfectly chiselled jaw and giant steroid enhanced muscles. He did not come to play. First of all, he rocks up and kills Rocky’s best pal Apollo in the ring, and second of all… HE JUST DOESN’T CARE! 

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This is one film that I can watch a thousand times over. Mainly because the training montage is epic and makes me feel like I too could traverse a snow peaked mountain… if I wanted to. Watching Rocky finally overcome a hostile Soviet Union crowd and beat the shit out of Ivan Drago makes me smile with my whole face!

Biff Tannen – Back to the Future 1985

This guy is the epitome of the word asshat. He’s an irritant to the highest degree but he’s also hilariously stupid/brutal. (Remember that one time he sexually assaults Marty’s mum and hits her. Awkward.) He’s your classic high school bully who finds twisted delight in making others seem weak. Even though he’s a complete tosser, the Back to the Future Trilogy would be lost without this angry man child.

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The Fratellis – The Goonies 1985

The fact that grown-ups are persistent in the demise of children makes me nervous laugh! These marauding bandits fronted by Mama Fratelli are terrifying but also add a class touch of hilarity to such a fantastic movie. I feel like the comedy capers of The Fratellis should end with them waving their fist in the air and shouting, “I’ll get you next time you pesky kids!”

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General Zod – Superman II 1980

This film is probably my favourite in the Christopher Reeve Superman trilogy. (I’m pretending that Superman IV with Nuclear Man didn’t happen because it was pants!) I mean, this guy... *eye roll*

I just got my nails did!

I just got my nails did!

General Zod is played superbly by legendary actor Terence Stamp. But don’t let his lovely face of manly beardy-ness and slicked back hair fool you. This guy is evil. Along with his backup dancers/Kryptonian criminals they wreck Metropolis because Superman decided he wanted to be human. Fool! The reason I love to hate this classic 80s villain is because General Zod created one of the most iconic scenes from the complete Superman franchise, and for this General, I will kneel!

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Johnny Lawrence – The Karate Kid 1984

Another classic bad boy bully from another great 80s movie, The Karate Kid. Now let’s be honest. In a real fight Daniel-san would get his ass handed to him by Johnny. The (illegal) crane kick was a complete fluke but I’m willing to go with it because I’m such a huge fan of this film. The thing with Johnny is that yes, he’s a mean asshole but at the end of the film you can see he is having an internal conflict of character mainly because he finally realises his karate teacher’s demands of breaking bones is kinda unreasonable! We love you Johnny! And your floppy blonde fringe!

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It's going to be a no from me scary sensei man....

The Goonies Personality Quiz

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The iconic 80s movie The Goonies is probably my favourite film of all time! It's classic swashbuckling adventure at it's finest with the added joy of inappropriate jokes and expressions that we would never be able to get away with today! I wanna be a Goonie damn it! How about you?? Take this *highly scientific test developed in a lab by professors of geekery to figure out which character from the film you are mostly like!

(*This quiz obviously lacks science because that would be stupid)