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80s Film

6 Weird Characters From 80s Films That Were Scary AF!

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Ah the 1980s! No childproofing or adult supervision because we learned from near death experiences like the well adjusted feral children we were AND still managed to survive! What didn’t kill us made us stronger and the fact that my older brother and I were constantly in and out of A&E with broken bones due to ‘playing’ was an education in itself. What a time to be alive!

As a kid I spent a lot of time in the school summer holidays watching VHS tapes of all kinds of ‘child appropriate’ films. However, with the wisdom of hindsight, there were many MANY films that were just not ok to be watching!

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This made me think… from the classic to the crazy, which characters from 80s movies definitely gave me unnecessary nightmares?! So, here’s my top 6 strange movie characters from the 1980s that left me with PTSD!

One – The Wheelers (Return to Oz 1985)

Remember that one time when Disney decided to lull us into a false sense of a security and then BAAAM hit us with these…

So scary we made it into a t-shirt!

Along with the headless witch screaming “DOROTHY GAAAALE!!” and all the heads in the cabinets…

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(That scene also ruined me!) The much-anticipated sequel to The Wizard of OZ, riddled my tiny impressionable mind with nightmares. Good times.

Two – Medusa (Clash of The Titans 1981)

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This film always seemed to be showing on a causal Sunday afternoon in my house. And of course, with only one TV, I would have to watch whatever my parents wanted. I was hugely sucked into this story and the stop motion visual effects, and then found myself all of sudden being a fan of Greek mythology. Well… that was until Medusa! Because I apparently didn’t need to sleep that night.  

Three – Jareth The Goblin King (Labyrinth 1986)

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Labyrinth is definitely up there as one of my fave and most memorable films from my childhood. I mean… Bowie! The movie is iconic and is surely stamped into every kid of the 80s heart! BUT let’s remove those rose-tinted specs. Jareth was super weird and fairly terrifying. And not just his distracting man bulge! I’m also not entirely sure why a grown ass man was trying to woo a 15-year-old!

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Four – Judge Doom (Who Framed Roger Rabbit 1988)

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Another classic 80s movie that hits me in the childhood feels! A mashup of live action and animation from the dude (Robert Zemeckis) who brought us Back to the Future. Winner! Amongst the clever hilarity and engaging plot… it was the terrifying antagonist Judge Doom that took things too far… especially with THAT scene which successfully disturbed many small children!

I can’t cope!!!

I can’t cope!!!

Five – Antarean (Cocoon 1985)

A fantasy film about a bunch of old people who discover the fountain of youth… with an added storyline of aliens of course! Now if it wasn’t traumatising enough to see these friendly aliens shed their human skin…

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…We then had to see the shrivelled up half dead alien too! ANY NEED!!

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Six – Cyborg (Superman III 1983)

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Granted this film isn’t hailed as the best in the Christopher Reeve Superman franchise, but it beats Superman IV which I like to pretend never really happened! What makes this film iconic are three things: Richard Pryor pretending to be Superman with a tablecloth around his neck, the fight between drunk evil Superman and Clark Kent… and the horrendous scene when villain sidekick Vera gets dragged into a giant computer and turned into a robot! (Sounds legit right?!) This scene had me SHOOK as a kid. The gurgled screams when she gets attacked by the super computer will forever haunt my dreams!

10 Inappropriate Iconic Films

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Like most folk trying to run away from the responsibility of ‘adulting’ I miss my youthful ignorance! The kind of heavenly bliss where my only stress was maths homework, the only tragedy in my life was Mufasa dying in The Lion King and the feeling of intense smugness blowing onto my Sega Mega Drive game cartridges when the screen got all messed up as if I was genius computer hacker. I loved watching shed loads of VHS movies my parents used to rent from our local video shop. Remember those?!

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As I look back, exhale a nostalgic sigh and revisit the films I adored... I can't help but think that some movies were massively inappropriate for my fragile adolescent mind! I mean, most films from the 80s and 90s laugh in the face of political correctness, but there’s some classic cinema that with the gift of hindsight are really quite disturbing! Here are 10 great films where the subject matter was entirely lost on me.

Lets take it back! #flashback

Lets take it back! #flashback

Dirty Dancing - 1987

A classic film where I’m sure you and your mates have attempted ‘the lift’ on a drunken night out to soon realise that someone definitely needs an ambulance! It's a beautiful love story where girl meets boy, boy treats girl like a complete muppet, girl can't get enough because dickhead boys are super attractive, boy succumbs to girl's watermelon carrying abilities, girl's dad massively overreacts, boy says 'nobody puts baby in the corner', girl and boy live happily ever after! Oh, and did anyone else miss the whole ABORTION storyline??!! Like seriously... where did that come from?! Can we all not just dance and get along! At the time of watching this film I was all caught up in the romance and the flash of Patrick Swayze’s bum... and it was only years later I now understand why my parents went mental at me for watching it on my own!

Look Who's Talking - 1989

This movie starring John Travolta and Kirstie Alley with the voice of Bruce Willis is still such a brilliant film! I remember watching this and cracking up whilst being totally overwhelmed by the hilarity of a talking baby. This classic late 80s film was a simple comedy about a baby who can talk! Nothing else right?! It was only years later that the ‘funny talking tadpoles’ at the beginning of the film penetrating the woman’s egg finally made sense. Pennies. Dropped. Everywhere! Now my mother’s hysteria after I watched and fully enjoyed it makes sense!

The Lost Boys - 1987

This film actually ruined me as a child! Vampires were always terrifying to me (until I discovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer which deserves an entire blog dedicated to the amazingness!) I assumed this was just a film about adolescent vampiric tomfoolery until my best friend sent me this text:

“The head vampire is an older rich man; his vampires are all teenage eternally youthful boys and he tries to indoctrinate more boys and use their mum as his paedo vampire beard! Gross!”
Mind. Blown.

Mind. Blown.

Pretty Woman - 1990

Cinder-fucking-rella! I'm all about Julia Roberts. She is funny, ridiculously attractive and she made prostitution seem glamourous as if it was a real viable career path for me after I finished school. Roberts portrayal of a lady of the night seemed like a romantic fairy tale which let’s face it is very impressive. As a youth this movie was just a gorgeous love story of a red head who falls in love with a rich dude... the fact that she was a hooker went right over my head. Big mistake... huge!

Back to the Future - 1985

All kinds of crazy sexy cool! An 80s cult classic with a ridiculous plot but one of the best movies...ever! Trying to make my dad go 88 mph on the motorway in his 1992 Toyota Celica to see if time travel really is possible, still remains a fond memory of mine. This film had it all. Comedy, pathos, drama, a good looking cast and… incest! How many of us tried to pretend that the younger version of Marty’s mum somewhat aggressively trying to get in his pants wasn’t uncomfortable… at all. 

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They even share a kiss and yet my 10 year old self just figured that it was a comedic device to further the plot!

The Breakfast Club – 1985

This popular movie featuring some of the 80s iconic “Brat Pack” actors gives a giant middle finger to being socially, politically, racially and sexually sound. Watching it now always makes me audibly groan with distaste as it’s fairly shocking to hear the language like “faggot” being used as a playful curse word and scenes showing how the bad boy of the group continually sexually harasses one of the leading females of the group. At one point (after consistently mocking her for being a virgin) he goes under the table and puts his head in her crotch where she visibly squirms and resists, and then later he slut shames her! *face palm* How did this shit fly?!

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Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back - 1980

For those unfamiliar with the plot, where the hell have you been?! I would like to think at the time of making this film George Lucas didn’t intend for Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia to be siblings… because incest is not best George! However, when I watched this as a child this glaringly obvious disturbance flew straight over my head. In fairness there is a lot going on in this movie so keeping up with who was tongue kissing who wasn’t my main concern.

Mrs Doubtfire – 1993

One of Robin Williams finest roles. For a film that is about a father who dresses up as a middle-aged woman in order to spend time with his kids (because his estranged wife is essentially a knob), Mrs Doubtfire still exuberates all the well-rehearsed cinematic tropes of a warm, well-rounded family drama. I went to see this at the cinema for a friend’s birthday and the scene where Robin Williams’ brother and ‘friend’ help him with his makeup didn’t register at all. In fairness it shouldn’t need to be highlighted so well done, but I never knew his brother and his ‘good pal’ were gay and married! The names Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack probably should have given that away!

Grease – 1978

This fantastic iconic film needs no intro because we’ve all sung our hearts out to the Grease mega mix on many an alcoholic induced night out. It’s a timeless classic where boy meets girl, guy acts like an asshole and girl changes everything about herself to be with him.

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Yes, the message of this movie maybe something we probably would like to forget/sweep under the rug/set on fire along with Disney’s The Little Mermaid’s ideology on changing for a bloke BUT who initially missed the part where Rizzo thought she was pregnant? The entire time I believed she was just being extra moody because she was a bit of a bitch. But no no, she was dealing with a possible teenage pregnancy while everyone else was doing the friggin’ hand jive!

Big – 1988

Another fab film starring Tom Hanks that had idiots like me making wishes to grow up and have an amazingly unrealistic job playing with toys! The concept for the movie was great… until you realise that you’re championing the romance of 12-year-old boy and a 30-something year old woman. The sleepover scene where Susan acts like a sexual predator…? Yeah. That probably should have weirded me out way more than it did!

The Goonies Personality Quiz

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The iconic 80s movie The Goonies is probably my favourite film of all time! It's classic swashbuckling adventure at it's finest with the added joy of inappropriate jokes and expressions that we would never be able to get away with today! I wanna be a Goonie damn it! How about you?? Take this *highly scientific test developed in a lab by professors of geekery to figure out which character from the film you are mostly like!

(*This quiz obviously lacks science because that would be stupid)