After one too many coffees and re-runs of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air my mind went wandering to a simpler time where adulting didn’t exist! After one magnificent brain burp I came up with this silly ditty in homage to my much loved 90s childhood. I’d love to go back to 1993 just for a day… and dream about what I want to be when I grow up! Sometimes a little bit of nostalgia is necessary to just tickle you in the feels for no real reason at all!
With Father’s Day coming up verrrrrry shortly (if you've forgotten then pick up a generic petrol station card and a packet of Werther's Original pronto!) I thought I would throw love at a bunch of dads we all knew and loved from television and cinema. Let’s celebrate our surrogate on-screen fathers with the highest of virtual high fives… because this is the internet and lists on random shit accompanied with pics and gifs distracts us from real life!
1. John McClane – Die Hard
I like to think that my dad is stronger than your dad… but if your dad was actually Mr McClane… I would profusely apologise for my bold ridiculous statement. Yes, he has his flaws like every other puny father… but this daddy is capable of bringing down a criminal mastermind and save Christmas all at once.
Fun Die Hard Fact: The terrified look on Hans Gruber's face when he falls is genuine! The stunt man decided to drop Alan Rickman 1 second earlier than expected and it was this take that made the movie!
2. Homer Simpson – The Simpsons
Homer is the dad who doesn’t pretend to be the best parent in the land… because it’s an expectation he will never ever meet. He may be completely incompetent and lazy as hell, but when he’s not eating, drinking… and eating… and drinking some more… he loves his family no matter what. Usually.
Fun Simpsons Fact: Krusty the Clown was originally created to be Homer's secret identity but this was later scrapped because the storyline was deemed too complex!
3. Philip Banks – The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Uncle Phil is large and in charge! He’s also hardcore with disciplining his kids and will have no problems in taking away your pony when your wealthy spoilt ass starts acting up. Uncle Phil can be found most days being the fun police, and also instilling family values as well as treating his troublesome but hilarious nephew Will like his own.
Fun Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Fact: Uncle Phil's law firm was called Firth, Wynn & Meyer which is a play on the band Earth, Wind & Fire!
4. Desmond Ambrose – Desmonds
Everyone needs a dad who makes a living from being a fairly rubbish barber. Right? Stubborn but amusing, Desmond was all about his family but mainly about the banter with his unemployed mates like Porkpie! As a father he was always there for his kids, even if it took his wife Shirley to talk him down off a ledge from time to time.
Fun Desmonds Fact: With 71 episodes, Desmonds became Channel 4's longest running sitcom!
5. Mufasa – The Lion King
Long live the King! His death still upsets me now! He’s the type of dad who puts his family first… even over his own life. (Slightly dramatic but fairplay to him!) Whether he’s teaching young Simba life skills (which his son promptly forgets because he’s all angsty and grieving over the murder of his old man!) or banging on about the great circle of life, Mufasa is a total hero dad! And a massive lion...
Fun Lion King Fact: Pumbaa was the first Disney character to fart on screen!
6. Daniel Hillard – Mrs Doubtfire
If you want a somewhat questionable example of dad who goes above and beyond to see his own kids, then Daniel is it! Nothing says love, commitment and compassion than impersonating an old dear like Mrs Doubtfire. Who knew that transforming into a woman could make Daniel be a better father!
Fun Mrs Doubtfire Fact: Robin Williams tested out his full grandma drag outfit in a sex shop to see if he would be instantly recognised! He wasn't!
7. Wayne Szalinski – Honey I Shrunk the Kids
We all love quirky… and strange… and sometimes obsessively dangerous in a real geeky science way! Despite the fact that Wayne manages to invent a ray gun that shrinks his and the neighbour’s kids is just a minor detail! I’m sure nearly killing them all was all a part of his goofy dad act! Or something.
Fun Honey I Shrunk the Kids Fact: Chevy Chase and John Candy were offered the role of Wayne Szalinski but turned it down. It was Candy who suggested Rick Moranis!
8. Oliver Warbucks – Annie
He’s rich and he saves your life through a song and dance! What's not to love?! Everyone needs a Daddy Warbucks in their life! Especially for all those pesky times you get kidnapped by con artists and are left dangling off the edge of a bridge. Super.
Fun Annie Fact: Steve Martin was initially offered the role of con man Rooster but declined as he was going through a break up at the time with Bernadette Peters who played Rooster's girlfriend Lily St Regis in the film.
9. Peter Mitchell, Michael Kellam & Jack Holden – Three Men and a Baby
One dad is great… but three is even better. Baby Mary is one lucky lady! It takes a village to raise a child and precisely three good looking bachelors to take care of a baby, hold down jobs and outsmart drug dealers! Now if that doesn’t say love, then I don’t know what does!
Fun Three Men and a Baby Fact: There was no ghost in the apartment! The urban myth that the ghost of a small boy can be seen in the film is in fact a cardboard cutout of Jack in a tux!
10. Henry Jones Sr – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Indiana Jones is pretty cool, but his dad is an undeniable DILF! I’m going to try and ignore the fact that his father is played by Sean Connery (who also played the small role of James Bond seven times) and just stick with the facts… He’s daring, and dashing… and behind his frosty façade and reluctance to be a 'normal' father figure to Indy… he loves his boy. (He also was 007. Just saying!)
Fun Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade Fact: It was Harrison Ford who suggested River Phoenix to play the young Indiana in the movie. Phoenix studied how Ford was like out of character and used that to portray young Indy.