After one too many coffees and re-runs of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air my mind went wandering to a simpler time where adulting didn’t exist! After one magnificent brain burp I came up with this silly ditty in homage to my much loved 90s childhood. I’d love to go back to 1993 just for a day… and dream about what I want to be when I grow up! Sometimes a little bit of nostalgia is necessary to just tickle you in the feels for no real reason at all!
I grew up in an age where the saying “I want never gets” was the absolute gospel truth. And sometimes depending on how horrific my school report was, “Pretty please may I have…” also got me feck all! The late 1980s early 1990s was a glorious time where the only worries that entered my murky mind was whether I could finish my homework before Baywatch and Gladiators started on a Saturday night. It was a time where I only became exhausted from playing ‘Bust 21’ with my brother and his mates around the council estate I grew up on. (Bust 21 was a version of ‘hide and seek’ where it was almost encouraged to push your friends into dog shite and stinging nettles... and then point and laugh!)
One thing that was true to being a youth 'back in the day' was when you wanted the newest toy (carefully selected in the Argos catalogue!) 9 times out of 10 you didn’t get it. Why? Because our parents weren’t morons who crumbled to the cries of a bratty child demanding a chimpanzee for her 7th birthday! (Absolutely true story!) The 90s were also notorious for manufacturing toys that were 1) flammable and dangerous (Polly Pocket and Micro Machines didn't mess about with their 'choking hazard' warnings) 2) pretty useless and broken after one go AND 3) required selling an internal organ as payment.
When I was about 8 years old I really wanted a Barbie on a pink mountain bike! The Barbie would live harmoniously with my Action Men. It was truly magnificent in all it's pink splendour and totally NOT a waste of money. I dropped a million and one hints leading up to my birthday, however it never arrived and I'm fairly certain that I sulked long enough to be distracted by cake. My mum clearly remembered this incident and for Christmas a couple of years ago… 26 whole years later… I got this from Santa:
My mum is a legend!
But I digress… Here are my 5 top toys we all probably wanted but ultimately never got. Ah nostalgia!
I was a massive tomboy but I was mad for this! Mainly because I needed a place to house my WWF wrestling figures when they were done playing/making sweet love with each other! I’m not sure what the fuzzy family of rabbits and bears were supposed to do… but this was a must for any young girls/boys bedroom.
I NEVER got this and it still upsets me today! Maybe because my parents knew how disappointed I would be seeing as it’s just crushed up ice with sickly sweet syrup crap which no doubt contained an ingredient similar to MDMA!
Oh my god I wanted this so much! But now I'm thinking... a 'cute' talking teddy? Yep... he definitely comes alive at night and drags you to hell!
Clarks Magic Steps Shoes
So ok this was not a toy… BUT oh my goodness these shoes were INCREDIBLE! I genuinely thought if you wore them you would turn into a princess and be transported on some Narnia like adventure to defeat an evil witch! But alas life has taught us… everything is a lie.
Tomy Racing Turbo
My cousin had this and I kinda hated him for it. The kind of jealousy where I was willing to break it just so he couldn't play with it! Jealousy is awesome as a kid. We would close all the curtains and pretend we were driving at night… whilst drinking a Panda Pop fizzy drink and cheese sandwiches. You actually felt like you were driving… because well… just look at it damn it!
What is that one toy you yearned for but never managed to get... because your parents didn't love you enough?!